My Crazy Life

OK.  First, I’m sorry!  It has been forever since I updated.  I wrote a post and then got locked out of my blog.  Then I lost the post and my patience.  That was about 6 months ago.  Now, after actually spending 1.5 hours figuring it out, I’m finally able to post again ON MY OWN BLOG!

Second, my life has been crazy.  Like, really crazy!  I know…everyone’s life is busy.  I’m not saying I’m different than anyone else, but when I prioritize, the blog has never ended up at the top.  I think it is because it actually causes me to really stop and think about my cancer.  The busier I stay and the less I think about it and dwell on it, the better off I seem to be (emotionally).  I’ll get to the physical in just a second.

Speaking of, the past few weeks have been filled with thinking about health.  First, Troy’s father, Skip, has been battling Alzheimer’s.  He is literally in his last few days.  We are at peace with this.  He has suffered a lot and it is time to go home.

We’ve also gotten calls about both of my 95-year-old grandparents being in the hospital.  My grandfather had pneumonia and then my grandmother who is about 80 pounds had what they thought was a slight heart attack.  It turns out it was a stress and exhaustion attack from trying to take care of my grandfather.  Poor thing!  

Then, Bodie needed glasses and my uncle got admitted to the ICU in Arizona for pneumonia and fluid around his heart.  And then (no I’m not done!) Troy’s brother went to the ER due to kidney stones.  Geez Louise!  With all that going on, you’d think I’d get a break.  But, no.  I still have cancer – dangit!

So, what has gone on since the last post?  And what’s on the docket?  Wow!  Where do I start?  I think I’ll just bullet point things:

·         * I was working at Overstock.com.  It is a good company, with lots of great people, but it wasn’t my passion.

·        *  I knew what it was, but I verified my passion when I spent 3 weeks in Paris teaching last June.  I love working at the U and working with students!

·         * Through all of my experiences, I’ve realized how important it is to “get” to do things each day instead of “have” to do things each day.

·         * My advice, if you aren’t happy, figure out why you “have” to do something and then figure out how you “get” to do that thing each day.

·         * I chose to “get” to go to work each day and secured what I honestly consider to be my DREAM job.  I went back to the U of U full-time in December as (are you ready for this crazy long title!?!)  Associate Professor of Finance (Lecturer) and Associate Director of Business Scholars.  I love it!

·         * Backing up a bit, right after Troy and I went to Paris in June 2013, we made a 12 hour with layover trip home, hopped in the car and drove 12 hours to Coeur d’Alene, Idaho.

·         Two days later we competed in – AND BOTH FINISHED! – the Ironman!  All 140.6 mile of it! It was AWESOME!  I’ll do a separate post on that next.  And, as a sidenote, I’ll be speaking about this at the upcoming BYU Women’s Conference on Thursday, May 1^st.  If any of you are planning on being there – come hear me speak! J

·        * Troy and I are also racing in the St. George ½ Ironman on May 3^rd.  So right after I speak, I’m heading to St. George for that race.

·         * Part of my new job includes some international travel and teaching – I know rough life – so I’m heading back to Paris and London two days after we get back from St. George!  I’ll be there for 9 days.

·         * Then, this July I’m teaching in Paris for a month.  The whole family is going!  Because we will be in France, Troy and I signed up for the full Ironman Nice France at the end of June!  We will swim in the Mediterranean Sea, bike in the French Alps, and then run through the town of Nice!  Can you even imagine!?!?

·         * So, my life is crazy because of: 4 kids, one amazing rock-star husband, a full-time job with sometimes funky hours and travel, and a mega-training plan for the Ironman. Whew!

·         * Oh ya, and to boot, I’ll still have that pesky cancer.  Grrrrrrr!

It may seem that with everything going on, I feel great and have tons of energy.  And, I do most of the time.  But, cancer is the gift that keeps on giving.  So, I’m now giving you probably way too much information but here are some of the bothersome side effects I’m dealing with:

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My lymph nodes are enlarged.  Most I keep hidden, but a couple on my neck are visible.  They are actually the least bothersome though.  The ones in my armpits and groin really bug.  They get in the way, ache, and make some activities like yoga and sitting for longer periods of time extremely uncomfortable.

·         

My body is fighting really hard to keep the cancer in check, so it makes me tired.  Sometimes really tired.  Like, it hurts to function tired.  I think a side effect of exhaustion,unfortunately, is I get ornery and then my poor family gets the brunt.  I’m trying to work on that.  They are the people I should actually be the very least ornery with!

·         I sweat – a lot.  It is extremely gross.  I hate it!!!  When I’m cold, I have sweaty armpits.  When I go to sleep, I sweat.  I can out night-sweat some of the best menopausal women out there.  How sweaty?  I wake up drenched and freezing sweaty.  I will be so glad when I’m not sweaty anymore.  It makes undergarments and clothing really uncomfortable at times.  That too, makes me ornery.  Really ornery.  As I type, I’m getting ornery.  Did I mention how bad I hate sweating? Grrrrrrr.

I still go in for checkups every 2 – 3 months.  Nearly every time I’ve gone in my white counts have gone up, but at a relatively slow pace.  But, the oncologist had told me that would eventually change.  She warned that the white blood cells would start taking over.  They have told me that reasons for chemo would be:

1)    Nodes getting too large and making normal life or body functions difficult.

2)   Extreme exhaustion.

3)   Inability to fight off infections and sickness.

4)    White counts increasing at a really rapid rate – like doubling in short period of time (2-3 months).

Well, guess what….my white counts have doubled in the past three months.  Darnit! 

So what does that mean?  Well, we aren’t 100% certain, but if my oncologist was a betting woman, she would bet I need chemo in the next year.   Now, before you freak out.  Let me say this:  I’m actually coming around to the idea.  It is going to bring my levels back down, melt away my swollen nodes, stop my sweating, give me back energy, and I’m going to get back to good ole’ life as usual for a good long time.  If the cancer grows back again, by that time, I’m certain there will be a cure.  And, I’m trying to help raise money all the time for research toward that cure!

Now, I’m NOT excited to go through chemo, but I can do it.  And the after-effects I am certainly looking forward to!  In my head, I’m the fastest athlete out there – maybe even world class – just think, if I can do two Ironman races with cancer, what can I do when I actually feel good!?!?  j/k

In all seriousness though, I actually feel really lucky.  As short as 30-50 years ago, this would have been a death sentence.  Now, my cancer is a life inconvenience.  The only thing that ticks me off is I’m so happy with how life is going right now.  I DO NOT want any interruptions!  But, I’d choose this over other inconveniences.  So, it is all good.

Now, how did the conversation go with Dr. Glenn?  Something like this:

Dr.  Glenn: “So, you are going to need chemo soon.  It is not urgent yet, but start thinking about life and when would be a good time.”

Me: “Well, hmmm, I’m training for the Ironman right now, and heading to Europe twice, so not until after July, but then its fall and I have a really busy fall schedule at work, so then maybe December, but wait that’s Christmas, so……..actually Dr. Glenn, you know what, there is really NO GOOD TIME to go through chemo!”

We all had a good laugh and then I said:  “In all honesty if I could push it to January that would be really good.” 

Dr. Glenn:  “Well, let’s keep an eye out.  I would guess this Fall, but we will see.”

So anyway, long story short, sometime in the next 6-9 months I’ll probably start chemo.  They predict that my counts will continue to keep doubling every couple months, which means by fall they will be in the “we need to treat now!” phase.  But, it is possible that they will slow back down.  That’s what I’m hoping.  We shall see….

When I start chemo it will most likely be about a 6-month process; being infused 2-3 days per month for about 6-months.  But, that will all be decided when it has to be.  I could care less about my hair, but I may not actually lose it as they have some really targeted drugs they are using these days.  That will remain to be seen.  The thing I’m actually least excited for is the damn port.  Ick!  In case you don’t know what that is, it is implanted in your chest, with a catheter that goes into your jugular vein in your neck for easy chemo insertion and blood lab draws.  I can’t stand having an IV in for 2 days, let alone a port for 6 months.  So, I’ll ask for some prayers in my direction when that time comes.

Until then, I’m asking now for happy thoughts, prayers, kharma, good juju, or whatever else you do that you can send my way.  I would REALLY like to not have to start treatment until January.  I realize that may sound crazy, and a lot of people with Acute cancers have no control, but if I can call any shots I want to beat my cancer once again and make it wait until January.   I also REALLY want to stay healthy enough and feeling good enough to rock the Nice Ironman.  I need to stay feeling good up through July.  Send me those January vibes!

Speaking of the Ironman…when I knew I was heading to Paris again, I thought: “I wonder what Ironman races are in Europe at the same time?”  Then I found out about Nice.  We gave it a lot of thought and decided – yes! – let’s make it happen.  Well, once we did and signed up then we started working on the logistics.  And, the kids caught wind of it and made a strong case for being able to come along.  And, well, this became the MOST expensive race/vacation I could ever imagine.  Think: international airfare for 6, lodging, food, baggage fees, extra baggage fees for race gear, super duper extra baggage fees for bike transport, rental of a bike case with wheels big enough to hold two bikes, etc. etc. 

We are making it happen (and I feel very lucky we are able to do it).  We may still be paying for the trip in 10 years – but the memories will be worth it – right!?! Ha Ha

Anyway, I have never done this before, but I am now.  I promise, we are paying for 100% of our trip and race, but I am asking people out there to make pledges regarding our race.  Everything we raise will be donated directly to CLL cancer research.  I was thinking that people could donate per mile we race.  So, $1 per mile would be $140.60.  $.50 per mile would be $70.30.  $.25 per mile would be $35.15.  $.10 per mile is $14.06 and so forth.  Troy and I will literally spend hundreds of hours training, thousands of dollars in training expenses and equipment, thousands of dollars on the race, and will race for up to 17 hours that day to cover 140.6 miles.  It would be awesome motivation to know that every mile we were covering was for a cause – one that is very personal to us.  So, if you are so inclined and able, we’d love your donations.  You can just donate to my paypal account:  williamsonfs@yahoo.com or obviously we will accept cash and checks.  I promise you, every dollar raised will be donated.

Well, this post is long enough.  Don’t worry – we are all good.  Even with a whole lot of bad health news lately, life is good, we are blessed, and I am just fine.  This world is going to be stuck with me for a VERY LONG TIME!

My love to you all!  Rock On!  And, please donate if you can!