OK. First, I’m sorry! It has been forever since I updated. I wrote a post and then got locked out of my
blog. Then I lost the post and my
patience. That was about 6 months
ago. Now, after actually spending 1.5
hours figuring it out, I’m finally able to post again ON MY OWN BLOG!
Second, my life
has been crazy. Like, really crazy! I know…everyone’s life is busy. I’m not saying I’m different than anyone
else, but when I prioritize, the blog has never ended up at the top. I think it is because it actually causes me
to really stop and think about my cancer.
The busier I stay and the less I think about it and dwell on it, the
better off I seem to be (emotionally).
I’ll get to the physical in just a second.
Speaking of, the
past few weeks have been filled with thinking about health. First, Troy’s father, Skip, has been battling
Alzheimer’s. He is literally in his last
few days. We are at peace with
this. He has suffered a lot and it is
time to go home.
We’ve also gotten
calls about both of my 95-year-old grandparents being in the hospital. My grandfather had pneumonia and then my
grandmother who is about 80 pounds had what they thought was a slight heart
attack. It turns out it was a stress and
exhaustion attack from trying to take care of my grandfather. Poor thing!
Then, Bodie needed
glasses and my uncle got admitted to the ICU in Arizona for pneumonia and fluid
around his heart. And then (no I’m not
done!) Troy’s brother went to the ER due to kidney stones. Geez Louise!
With all that going on, you’d think I’d get a break. But, no.
I still have cancer – dangit!
So, what has gone
on since the last post? And what’s on
the docket? Wow! Where do I start? I think I’ll just bullet point things:
· * I was
working at Overstock.com. It is a good
company, with lots of great people, but it wasn’t my passion.
· * I knew
what it was, but I verified my passion when I spent 3 weeks in Paris teaching
last June. I love working at the U and
working with students!
· * Through
all of my experiences, I’ve realized how important it is to “get” to do things
each day instead of “have” to do things each day.
· * My
advice, if you aren’t happy, figure out why you “have” to do something and then
figure out how you “get” to do that thing each day.
· * I
chose to “get” to go to work each day and secured what I honestly consider to
be my DREAM job. I went back to the U of
U full-time in December as (are you ready for this crazy long title!?!) Associate Professor of Finance (Lecturer) and
Associate Director of Business Scholars.
I love it!
· * Backing
up a bit, right after Troy and I went to Paris in June 2013, we made a 12 hour
with layover trip home, hopped in the car and drove 12 hours to Coeur d’Alene,
Idaho.
·
Two
days later we competed in – AND BOTH FINISHED! – the Ironman! All 140.6 mile of it! It was AWESOME! I’ll do a separate post on that next. And, as a sidenote, I’ll be speaking about
this at the upcoming BYU Women’s Conference on Thursday, May 1st. If any of you are planning on being there –
come hear me speak! J
· * Troy
and I are also racing in the St. George ½ Ironman on May 3rd. So right after I speak, I’m heading to St.
George for that race.
· * Part
of my new job includes some international travel and teaching – I know rough
life – so I’m heading back to Paris and London two days after we get back from
St. George! I’ll be there for 9 days.
· * Then, this
July I’m teaching in Paris for a month.
The whole family is going!
Because we will be in France, Troy and I signed up for the full Ironman
Nice France at the end of June! We will
swim in the Mediterranean Sea, bike in the French Alps, and then run through
the town of Nice! Can you even
imagine!?!?
· * So, my
life is crazy because of: 4 kids, one amazing rock-star husband, a full-time
job with sometimes funky hours and travel, and a mega-training plan for the
Ironman. Whew!
· * Oh ya,
and to boot, I’ll still have that pesky cancer.
Grrrrrrr!
It may seem that
with everything going on, I feel great and have tons of energy. And, I do most of the time. But, cancer is the gift that keeps on
giving. So, I’m now giving you probably
way too much information but here are some of the bothersome side effects I’m
dealing with:
·
My
lymph nodes are enlarged. Most I keep
hidden, but a couple on my neck are visible.
They are actually the least bothersome though. The ones in my armpits and groin really
bug. They get in the way, ache, and make
some activities like yoga and sitting for longer periods of time extremely
uncomfortable.
·
My
body is fighting really hard to keep the cancer in check, so it makes me
tired. Sometimes really tired. Like, it hurts to function tired. I think a side effect of exhaustion,unfortunately,
is I get ornery and then my poor family gets the brunt. I’m trying to work on that. They are the people I should actually be the
very least ornery with!
·
I
sweat – a lot. It is extremely gross. I hate it!!! When I’m cold, I have sweaty armpits. When I go to sleep, I sweat. I can out night-sweat some of the best
menopausal women out there. How
sweaty? I wake up drenched and freezing
sweaty. I will be so glad when I’m not
sweaty anymore. It makes undergarments
and clothing really uncomfortable at times.
That too, makes me ornery. Really
ornery. As I type, I’m getting
ornery. Did I mention how bad I hate
sweating? Grrrrrrr.
I still go in for
checkups every 2 – 3 months. Nearly
every time I’ve gone in my white counts have gone up, but at a relatively slow
pace. But, the oncologist had told me
that would eventually change. She warned
that the white blood cells would start taking over. They have told me that reasons for chemo
would be:
1) Nodes getting too large and making normal
life or body functions difficult.
2) Extreme exhaustion.
3) Inability to fight off infections and
sickness.
4) White
counts increasing at a really rapid rate – like doubling in short period of
time (2-3 months).
Well, guess
what….my white counts have doubled in the past three months. Darnit!
So what does that
mean? Well, we aren’t 100% certain, but
if my oncologist was a betting woman, she would bet I need chemo in the next
year. Now, before you freak out. Let me say this: I’m actually coming around to the idea. It is going to bring my levels back down, melt
away my swollen nodes, stop my sweating, give me back energy, and I’m going to
get back to good ole’ life as usual for a good long time. If the cancer grows back again, by that time,
I’m certain there will be a cure. And, I’m
trying to help raise money all the time for research toward that cure!
Now, I’m NOT
excited to go through chemo, but I can do it.
And the after-effects I am certainly looking forward to! In my head, I’m the fastest athlete out there
– maybe even world class – just think, if I can do two Ironman races with
cancer, what can I do when I actually feel good!?!? j/k
In all seriousness
though, I actually feel really lucky. As
short as 30-50 years ago, this would have been a death sentence. Now, my cancer is a life inconvenience. The only thing that ticks me off is I’m so
happy with how life is going right now.
I DO NOT want any interruptions! But,
I’d choose this over other inconveniences.
So, it is all good.
Now, how did the
conversation go with Dr. Glenn?
Something like this:
Dr. Glenn: “So, you are going to need chemo soon. It is not urgent yet, but start thinking
about life and when would be a good time.”
Me: “Well, hmmm,
I’m training for the Ironman right now, and heading to Europe twice, so not until
after July, but then its fall and I have a really busy fall schedule at work,
so then maybe December, but wait that’s Christmas, so……..actually Dr. Glenn,
you know what, there is really NO GOOD TIME to go through chemo!”
We all had a good
laugh and then I said: “In all honesty
if I could push it to January that would be really good.”
Dr. Glenn: “Well, let’s keep an eye out. I would guess this Fall, but we will see.”
So anyway, long
story short, sometime in the next 6-9 months I’ll probably start chemo. They predict that my counts will continue to
keep doubling every couple months, which means by fall they will be in the “we
need to treat now!” phase. But, it is
possible that they will slow back down.
That’s what I’m hoping. We shall
see….
When I start chemo
it will most likely be about a 6-month process; being infused 2-3 days per
month for about 6-months. But, that will
all be decided when it has to be. I
could care less about my hair, but I may not actually lose it as they have some
really targeted drugs they are using these days. That will remain to be seen. The thing I’m actually least excited for is
the damn port. Ick! In case you don’t know what that is, it is
implanted in your chest, with a catheter that goes into your jugular vein in
your neck for easy chemo insertion and blood lab draws. I can’t stand having an IV in for 2 days, let
alone a port for 6 months. So, I’ll ask
for some prayers in my direction when that time comes.
Until then, I’m
asking now for happy thoughts, prayers, kharma, good juju, or whatever else you
do that you can send my way. I would
REALLY like to not have to start treatment until January. I realize that may sound crazy, and a lot of
people with Acute cancers have no control, but if I can call any shots I want
to beat my cancer once again and make it wait until January. I also REALLY want to stay healthy enough and
feeling good enough to rock the Nice Ironman.
I need to stay feeling good up through July. Send me those January vibes!
Speaking of the
Ironman…when I knew I was heading to Paris again, I thought: “I wonder what
Ironman races are in Europe at the same time?”
Then I found out about Nice. We
gave it a lot of thought and decided – yes! – let’s make it happen. Well, once we did and signed up then we
started working on the logistics. And,
the kids caught wind of it and made a strong case for being able to come along.
And, well, this became the MOST
expensive race/vacation I could ever imagine.
Think: international airfare for 6, lodging, food, baggage fees, extra
baggage fees for race gear, super duper extra baggage fees for bike transport,
rental of a bike case with wheels big enough to hold two bikes, etc. etc.
We are making it
happen (and I feel very lucky we are able to do it). We may still be paying for the trip in 10
years – but the memories will be worth it – right!?! Ha Ha
Anyway, I have
never done this before, but I am now. I
promise, we are paying for 100% of our trip and race, but I am asking people
out there to make pledges regarding our race.
Everything we raise will be donated directly to CLL cancer
research. I was thinking that people
could donate per mile we race. So, $1
per mile would be $140.60. $.50 per mile
would be $70.30. $.25 per mile would be
$35.15. $.10 per mile is $14.06 and so
forth. Troy and I will literally spend
hundreds of hours training, thousands of dollars in training expenses and
equipment, thousands of dollars on the race, and will race for up to 17 hours
that day to cover 140.6 miles. It would be
awesome motivation to know that every mile we were covering was for a cause –
one that is very personal to us. So, if
you are so inclined and able, we’d love your donations. You can just donate to my paypal
account: williamsonfs@yahoo.com or obviously we
will accept cash and checks. I promise
you, every dollar raised will be donated.
Well, this post is
long enough. Don’t worry – we are all
good. Even with a whole lot of bad
health news lately, life is good, we are blessed, and I am just fine. This world is going to be stuck with me for a
VERY LONG TIME!
My love to you
all! Rock On! And, please donate if you can!
